Spotted

Spotted: Mary H standing at a bus stop in Cabra earlier this morning. Looking “sheepish and unwashed”.

FAS IN YOUR FACE

GOLDEN HANDSHAKE FOR RODY MOLLOY = GOLDEN SHOWER FOR JOE PUBLIC

THUS

POLITICIANS ARE PERVERTS THAT LIKE WATCHING PEOPLE GET PISSED ON

That is a FACT. You can't argue with a fact, because it is a FACT.

Reports from across the Irish Sea are that the sound of a large un-lubricated cock making its way up the ass of Joe Public could be heard as far as the Breacon Beacons in Wales. As the people of Ireland were still coming to terms with exactly how much the failure of banking regulation would cost over the next few decades, they were sure of one thing: that cock in their ass was definitely there, and it wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

One member of the plebeian class summed it up thus: “We got shafted as the housing market went up, paying massive tax to the Government and ensuring that the blood sucking squids in the banks could re-package our loans into bonus and shareholder payments. Now, on the way down, we get fucked again, except this time with no lube. When you are getting shafted but feel like you’re getting richer, there are all sorts of mental tricks that can be used to disguise the reality. When the that magic feeling of getting richer disappears and the Government starts to claw more tax from your pocket, getting shafted hurts – hurts link your first night in prison.”

While NAMA might be the only show in town, and while its exact effects might not be apparent for some time, one thing is for certain: Joe Public will never be the same again.

How to T.D. by Mr. Jamboree

Yo! Nothing to report on for the last while. Apparently Leinster House has been like the Overlook hotel. Something did come in, but so depraved is it that I was mulling over posting it or not. However, in the public interest I have to. These are the people that we trust to run our little island nation, and in that regard we need to know what sort we are dealing with. Are they folk we could share a pint with, or are they the lowest vilest type your mammy warned you about?

Enough of the shite talk. This came in from a guy who used to work the top saunas around Dublin. Him, and those who worked with him, have insights and dirt on a gamut of Irish politians. One can only hope that the specifics emerge as most of these celtic tigers retire from selling sex for a living, but until then we will have to make do with generalities. Below are coveted instructions given to new members of a sauna's stable, instructions which are vital if a guy is to earn the major euro. Instructions on how to please a Teachta Dála.

Foulness after the jump...

________________________________________________________________________________

WARNING!!!!!!
DO NOT attempt to penetrate a T.D.! You WILL kill it!
The tissue inside is very delicate and can rupture easily without you even noticing!

--ACCESS--
TD’s are very cheap and can be bought for a few euro, more if they are in government. You will want the biggest and most aggressive TD you can buy. TD’s can be obtained anywhere. The Galway Races are an excellent source.

--BEHAVIOR--
Let the TD get to know you. Males are rather dominant, so let them dominate you. The idea is not to have him backing down, hissing at you. Get to know the TD first. Once he trusts you, and your good friends, you can do other activities with him!
A few important facts are:

MOUNTING
A TD MUST be able to mount and grab something with its hands in order to become sexually excited. They don't care what they mount, so long as they can dig in with their fingers and grab something hard.

ARSE
A TD cannot orgasm if its arse is not able to wiggle freely.




--HOW TO DO!--
You will most likely want two male TDs. A TD will mount anything when it is horny. I have had my T.D. mount other males and even chickens. So long as they can mount it, and grab a neck, they will climax. By having two males, you can swap one off on the other!

Let me clear up one thing first. From the guys, I am constantly asked "how do you get it in?" Well, YOU DON'T! You can seriously injure a TD if you penetrate it. The tissue inside is very thin and if it ruptures, the TD will die within 24 hours. I know from firsthand experience. Due to society and their fucking prejudices, fact files like this were not available. I ended up killing a T.D. out of pure ignorance. Don't let this happen to you! It really hurts to lose a lover like that. Anyway, you are going to have to have "outercourse". This pretty much means you will have to do your thing, while you please the TD It's tempting, but PLEASE, don't attempt to have intercourse with a TD.

--STEP ONE--
Lay down a bunch of old towels or better yet, an old blanket in the area you want to have sex in. I am certain you have heard the phrase "politians are full of shit!", well, it is true! TD’s will go and go and go, and when you think they are finally done, they go some more!
The bathroom is perfect. You need a place that is quiet and well lit. TDs do not have sex in the dark and can be come distracted by outside noises. Lay down completely naked with them, and let them get used to you. Next, grab the mountee (other TD) and hold him gently. If you make it obvious, the TD will recognize what is going on, and will walk over immediately and attempt to mount the mountee.

--STEP TWO--
The rest of this file will assume Male TD’s since there is not much that can be done with a female without hurting her.
Let the TD climb up and settle in. Once the TD grabs the mountee's head and does a few test jerks to make certain he is well situated, sex will begin. At this time, you need to immediately get under his crotch, and place your mouth over his penis. Try not to disturb him. If he lets go and just sits there, this means he is nervous and he may not continue.

--STEP THREE--
The T.D. will quickly bend his arse down and will hopefully be pushing directly into your mouth. -- BE CAREFUL!!-- When the T.D. orgasms, the penis will shoot out under a fair amount of pressure. During my learning process, the first time this happened, he moved and I got ejaculate shot up my nose. The second time, I got it shot down my throat and it caused me to choke! (yes, I did enjoy choking on it!)
The goal here, is to position yourself so that he will shoot off into the side of your mouth and into your cheek. This can be difficult, since the T.D. will be rubbing and twisting his arse around. You must keep your mouth over the penis because you won't know when he will go off. Do NOT get excited and start slapping his arse. If you slap his arse too much, he cannot orgasm.
Sometimes, he will bend down, hold, and just will not go off. If this happens, you can quickly reach up and squeeze the base of the penis and help him go off. This is NOT recommended, because you can cause him to go off prematurely. If he goes off too soon, he will orgasm, but you will not get any ejaculate.
If all goes well, you will get a quick gentle pop in the cheek. When this happens, you get a very tangy, tasty treat! Nothing is more glorious then hearing the trumpet of a T.D. when he orgasms! After he orgasms, he will start off with a slow, low pitch quiet scream, which will quickly get loud and raise in pitch. His whole body will shake, and he will rapidly shake his flabby arms. He will then let out 3 or 4 quick high to low pitched screams. Most T.D.’s will throw their head back when they orgasm. Others will continue to hold onto the mountee during the whole orgasm. Even if they fall off during the orgasm, they will continue to hold on! Either way, it is exciting and tasty!!

--WRAP UP--
TDs have a remarkable recovery rate. A horny T.D. can be ready to go again within 2 minutes of his last orgasm. You only get ejaculate once, unless he was still holding a little back from last time. But, he can still get more orgasms. I once had a TD go 5 rounds! Remember to keep his penis covered with your mouth at all times. When they orgasm, they spray ejaculate in all directions due to the cork screw shape. It starts immediately as it pops out, and continues until fully extended. Here is to hoping you and your TD have a lot of fun, warm nights!

Look for other "how to TD" fact files from your favorite politophile Mr. Jamboree!

Spotted

The Teashop spotted fishing on the river Dodder in south Dublin. Had a bag of cans with him and seemed to have a few small trout caught.

The JoD – and the wall of silence

The reason that none of the cock-suckers in the venerable house are saying anything about the questionable use of public money to fund a jet setting lifestyle is that they are vapid empty cunts only interested in their own, and their parties, interests.

The bizarre nature of their expenses system, where one does not have to show a receipt and can claim for an overnight if the commute is further than 15 miles from the Dail, is only another nail in the coffin of the public’s respect for the political class that blew Irelands chance at a stable successful economy.

Every single bit of news or information that comes out of that place makes me want to throttle every one of them – especially those that are corpulent, look like they are ‘fond of the drink’ or have had to many steak dinners. I don’t know why that is, but it is just the way I feel. Instead I will have to refocus my attentions on fictional stories that entertain me and help to dissipate the FUCKING RAGE.

MORAL TERROR

The Tarnisheda is sleeping with the Teashop. I heard it from a reliable source that is generally right about these sorts of things. Apparently the relationship is putting a massive strain on the government as any trip to the toilet is likely to be ruined by the sound sounds of the two of them at it in the next cubicle. Disgraceful. Apparently it started with the glory hole in the Leinster House 2nd floor men’s toilet, a splash and dash that turned into something more meaningful.

Will update when more information becomes available.

This is a picture of Mary Coughlan, who is not related to this story at all.